On A Scale From 1 To 10...

I think that we can all agree that Hedy Lamarr and Wonder Women are perfect 10's on the Beautiful Scale, BUT there are also other scales that are just as important to know about...

1) What does the Scoville scale measure on a scale from 0 to over 1 million? (Hint: Could be helpful when ordering Thai).

2) What is measured in Mohs? (Hint: Your wife should be wearing a 10 but she may actually be wearing an 8 - Don't worry your secret is safe with me).

3) What does the Saffir-Simpson scale measure on a scale from 1 to 5? (Hint: Not a girls-only club anymore).

4) What does the Beaufort scale measure on a scale from 0 to 12? (Hint: Mr. Beaufort was a British Admiral).

Click here for the ANSWERS.

Ultimate Road Tripping Machines

1) In The Dukes of Hazzard, Bo and Luke Duke "drove" (more than 300 of the cars were destroyed during filming) the General Lee, a bright orange Dodge Charger with a Confederate battle flag painted on the roof - What number was painted on the doors and what year model was the car? (Hint: The model year is the same as that of the Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser from That 70's Show).

2) Before amazing us with his lifesaving abilities in Bay Watch, David Hasselhoff drove KITT, the kick-ass talking Firebird Trans Am, in the hit TV series Knight Rider - What does "KITT" stand for? (Hint: The "K" is a give-away).

3) What was the full model name of the road-tripping beast (actually a modified 1979 Ford LTD Country Squire station wagon) that the Griswold family used to travel in style to Walley World in National Lampoon's 1983 Family Vacation? (Hint: The hubcaps contain a clue).

Click here for the ANSWERS.

Moonshine and Popcorn Just Don't Mix

Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton, probably the nation's most renowned moonshiner has pleaded guilty to federal charges of producing and selling illegal liquor. Agents with the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives put a cork in Sutton's operation after he sold an undercover agent about 300 gallons of untaxed whiskey and agreed to sell another 500 gallons. A subsequent raid on Sutton's property turned up guns, bullets, three 1,000-gallon stills, copper line, more than 800 gallons of moonshine (stashed in a junked school bus) and hundreds of gallons of sour mash and other ingredients.

Popcorn could face up to 15 years in prison and fines of up to half a million dollars. Now that a major supply line has been shut down, you may want to purchase his latest video, The Last One, or try to find a copy of his out of print book, Me and My Likker, to learn how to make your very own corn liquor.

Moonshine Trivia:

• Some people claim that moonshine can be tested for purity by putting a little in a spoon and then setting it on fire. It should burn with a blue flame (ethanol). If it burns yellow (methanol), don't drink it. Methanol (also called wood alcohol) is a poison. I don't know if this test is foolproof, so DRINK AT YOUR OWN RISK.
• Moonshine can be tested for strength (referred to as "the bead") by shaking it to form bubbles on the surface. Large bubbles with a short duration indicate higher proof.
• The purity of moonshine is practically limited to 190 proof due to its becoming an azeotrope at 95.6% alcohol by volume (191.2 proof). An azeotrope is a mixture of two or more liquids in such a ratio that its composition cannot be changed by simple distillation because, when an azeotrope is boiled, the resulting vapor has the same ratio of constituents as the original mixture.
  
• Producing moonshine in the United States (even for your own personal consumption) is a federal crime. Periodic attempts to legalize spirit production for personal use have all failed to pass. The most recent attempt was in a bill introduced by U.S. Representative Bart Stupak of Michigan in 2001.
  
• Liquor is one of the most heavily taxed consumer goods in the United States. 32 percent of the purchase price of a bottle of liquor goes to state and federal taxes (three times the tax on wine, and twice that on beer).
  
• Synonyms for Moonshine include Mountain Dew, White Lighting, Corn Liquor, Bootleg, Busthead, Popskull, Rotgut, Bathtub Gin, Panther's Breath, or just simply Shine.

Top 10 Synonyms for “700 Billion Dollars”

1) 700,000 Million Dollars.

2) 1,759 Bridges to Nowhere (at $398 million each).

3) 6,542,056,075 Barrels of Oil (at $107 per barrel).

4) 175,000,000 Gallons of gas (at $4 per Gallon).

5) 3,608 McCain Attempts at the White House (based on McCain’s spending of $195 million on this campaign so far, as of 09/21/08).

6) 233,333 Ralph Nader Attempts at the White House (based on Nader’s spending of $3 million on this campaign so far, as of 09/21/08).

7) 9,763 Wall Street CEO's Annual Compensations (based on Lehman Brothers’ CEO Richard Fuld’s 2007 annual salary package of $71,770,000).

8) 148,462 Golden Parachutes (based on the combined $9.43 million that Fannie Mae executive Daniel Mudd and Freddie Mac executive Richard Syron took home after the Feds took over the ruins of their companies).

9) 700 Billion Lee Iacocca 1979 Salaries (when the government bailed out Chrysler, Lee Iacocca's paycheck that year was $1).

10) Just ONE Monstrously Ill-Conceived Government-Run Hedge Fund That Will Buy Up Bad Mortgage-Backed Debts To Bail Out Wall Street Allowing The Rich To Become Richer And ...

It's OK to Eat Poop - No Really, The Government Says It's OK

Title 21, Code of Federal Regulations, Part 110.110 allows the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) "to establish maximum levels of natural or unavoidable defects in foods for human use that present no health hazard". The FDA set these "maximum levels" of "defects" because, in their words, "it is economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects".

According to the FDA guidelines, "defects" can refer to, but are not limited to, the following examples:

• Copepods and Pus Pockets in Red Fish and Ocean Perch Fillets - The maximum allowable limit is 3% of the fillets examined contain 1 or more copepods accompanied by pus pockets.
• Rodent Hairs in Apple Butter - An average of 4 rodent hairs per 100 grams of apple butter is "acceptable".
• Insect Filth in Peanut Butter - An average of 30 insect fragments PLUS an average of 1 rodent hair per 100 grams is allowed.
• Maggots in Canned Mushrooms - An average of not more than 20 maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid OR an average of not more than 5 maggots 2 mm or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid.
• Mammalian Excreta in Whole Black Pepper - An average of not more than 1 mg of mammalian excreta is allowed per pound.

What is the Difference Between a Blimp and 16,500 Condoms?

Obviously - One is a Goodyear and the other is a GREAT year.

Recently, the scientific base in Antarctica received a shipment of 16,500 condoms (apparently, a year's supply) for the 125 scientists stationed there. That works out to a whopping 264 condoms per couple. Apparently there is not a whole lot of scientific research going on down there.

Trivia of Note:

• There are currently three GZ-20A size Goodyear blimps in service: the Spirit of Goodyear based in Akron, Ohio; the Spirit of Innovation based in Pompano Beach, Florida; and the Spirit of America based near Los Angeles.
• Each Goodyear blimp is 192 feet long, 55 feet in diameter, and 59.5 feet high, with 202,700 cubic feet of helium and a gross weight of 12,840 lbs.
• There are 7,560 custom made high brightness LED's (light emitting diodes) on the side of each of the Goodyear blimps.
• Goodyear has owned as many as eight blimps at a time since its first commercial ship, the Pilgrim, flew in 1925.
• Goodyear blimps are made of polyester fabric coated with neoprene rubber. They look shiny and metallic from a distance, but they are actually soft and flexible. Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane (and are also soft and flexible).
• There is also now a female condom, or vaginal sheath, which is used by a woman and which fits inside her vagina.

Unfortunately Ford Does Not Offer a Lawn Mowing Attachment For the Explorer

According to Environmental Elements ECO Mowers, "the average gasoline powered mower tested by the EPA emits in 1 hour of operation the same amount of hydrocarbons that a 1992 Ford Explorer emits over 23,600 miles".

If you don't want to risk the neighbors calling the city code enforcement goons to come and strong arm you into cutting your waist-high weeds BUT you also don't want to contribute unduly to the extinction of polar bears, you may want to consider purchasing a manual-powered or electric lawn mower (at least until Ford comes out with a grass cutting attachment for the Explorer).

Trivia of Note:

• According to the Environmental Protection Agency, 7% of all summertime emissions of volatile organic compounds (VOC's) in southeastern Wisconsin are produced by lawn and garden equipment.
• Because electric power plant emissions are strictly regulated and controlled, a typical electric lawn mower produces less than one percent of the smog-contributing carbon monoxide that a gas mower puts out and 1/9000th of the hydrocarbons.
• In Britain, about 70% of lawn mowers sold are electric.