Top 10 Synonyms for “700 Billion Dollars”

1) 700,000 Million Dollars.

2) 1,759 Bridges to Nowhere (at $398 million each).

3) 6,542,056,075 Barrels of Oil (at $107 per barrel).

4) 175,000,000 Gallons of gas (at $4 per Gallon).

5) 3,608 McCain Attempts at the White House (based on McCain’s spending of $195 million on this campaign so far, as of 09/21/08).

6) 233,333 Ralph Nader Attempts at the White House (based on Nader’s spending of $3 million on this campaign so far, as of 09/21/08).

7) 9,763 Wall Street CEO's Annual Compensations (based on Lehman Brothers’ CEO Richard Fuld’s 2007 annual salary package of $71,770,000).

8) 148,462 Golden Parachutes (based on the combined $9.43 million that Fannie Mae executive Daniel Mudd and Freddie Mac executive Richard Syron took home after the Feds took over the ruins of their companies).

9) 700 Billion Lee Iacocca 1979 Salaries (when the government bailed out Chrysler, Lee Iacocca's paycheck that year was $1).

10) Just ONE Monstrously Ill-Conceived Government-Run Hedge Fund That Will Buy Up Bad Mortgage-Backed Debts To Bail Out Wall Street Allowing The Rich To Become Richer And ...

It's OK to Eat Poop - No Really, The Government Says It's OK

Title 21, Code of Federal Regulations, Part 110.110 allows the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) "to establish maximum levels of natural or unavoidable defects in foods for human use that present no health hazard". The FDA set these "maximum levels" of "defects" because, in their words, "it is economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects".

According to the FDA guidelines, "defects" can refer to, but are not limited to, the following examples:

• Copepods and Pus Pockets in Red Fish and Ocean Perch Fillets - The maximum allowable limit is 3% of the fillets examined contain 1 or more copepods accompanied by pus pockets.
• Rodent Hairs in Apple Butter - An average of 4 rodent hairs per 100 grams of apple butter is "acceptable".
• Insect Filth in Peanut Butter - An average of 30 insect fragments PLUS an average of 1 rodent hair per 100 grams is allowed.
• Maggots in Canned Mushrooms - An average of not more than 20 maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid OR an average of not more than 5 maggots 2 mm or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid.
• Mammalian Excreta in Whole Black Pepper - An average of not more than 1 mg of mammalian excreta is allowed per pound.

What is the Difference Between a Blimp and 16,500 Condoms?

Obviously - One is a Goodyear and the other is a GREAT year.

Recently, the scientific base in Antarctica received a shipment of 16,500 condoms (apparently, a year's supply) for the 125 scientists stationed there. That works out to a whopping 264 condoms per couple. Apparently there is not a whole lot of scientific research going on down there.

Trivia of Note:

• There are currently three GZ-20A size Goodyear blimps in service: the Spirit of Goodyear based in Akron, Ohio; the Spirit of Innovation based in Pompano Beach, Florida; and the Spirit of America based near Los Angeles.
• Each Goodyear blimp is 192 feet long, 55 feet in diameter, and 59.5 feet high, with 202,700 cubic feet of helium and a gross weight of 12,840 lbs.
• There are 7,560 custom made high brightness LED's (light emitting diodes) on the side of each of the Goodyear blimps.
• Goodyear has owned as many as eight blimps at a time since its first commercial ship, the Pilgrim, flew in 1925.
• Goodyear blimps are made of polyester fabric coated with neoprene rubber. They look shiny and metallic from a distance, but they are actually soft and flexible. Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane (and are also soft and flexible).
• There is also now a female condom, or vaginal sheath, which is used by a woman and which fits inside her vagina.

Unfortunately Ford Does Not Offer a Lawn Mowing Attachment For the Explorer

According to Environmental Elements ECO Mowers, "the average gasoline powered mower tested by the EPA emits in 1 hour of operation the same amount of hydrocarbons that a 1992 Ford Explorer emits over 23,600 miles".

If you don't want to risk the neighbors calling the city code enforcement goons to come and strong arm you into cutting your waist-high weeds BUT you also don't want to contribute unduly to the extinction of polar bears, you may want to consider purchasing a manual-powered or electric lawn mower (at least until Ford comes out with a grass cutting attachment for the Explorer).

Trivia of Note:

• According to the Environmental Protection Agency, 7% of all summertime emissions of volatile organic compounds (VOC's) in southeastern Wisconsin are produced by lawn and garden equipment.
• Because electric power plant emissions are strictly regulated and controlled, a typical electric lawn mower produces less than one percent of the smog-contributing carbon monoxide that a gas mower puts out and 1/9000th of the hydrocarbons.
• In Britain, about 70% of lawn mowers sold are electric.

How Much Would You Pay For This Car?

On May 17, Chris Evans, a British television and radio personality, purchased a 1961 Ferrari California Spyder for $10,894,900, the highest price ever paid for a vintage automobile at auction. The previous record was set in 1990 when Sotheby's sold a 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO for $10,756,000.

One of the previous owners of the record-breaking black convertible was the tough-guy actor James Coburn, who purchased the car in 1964 shortly after completing The Great Escape and sold the car in 1987. If you will remember, this is the same model of car that was destroyed by Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) and Cameron Frye (Alan Ruck) in the 80's classic movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Don't worry, only the close-up detail shots in the movie were filmed with an actual Ferrari. The car launched backwards through Cameron's garage was only a modified MG sports car with a Mustang V8. Incidentally, the car parked next to the "Ferrari" in the garage is an MG model TC.

Other Movie Ferraris:

• The always-debonair David Niven, cruising around in his Ferrari 250 GT, in the original Pink Panther.
• Christie Brinkley, at her supermodel best, and her 308, stealing all the attention in National Lampoon's Vacation.
• A blind Al Pacino running from the police in a Mondial Cabriolet, as part of his Oscar-winning performance in The Scent of a Woman.
• Raul Julia in a Daytona spyder, declaring, "Franco is ready. The race can begin." in Gumball Rally.

Cheap Chinese Products May Not Be The Only Source of Lead in Your Diet

The United States may have succeeded in getting the lead out of our gasoline but, in addition to your kids' toys, lunchboxes, and sippy cups, your red lipstick may also be of the fully-leaded variety.

In a report released in October 2007, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, a coalition of consumer advocacy groups, said it tested 33 lipsticks from a variety of brands and that one-third of those contained lead levels higher than 0.1 parts per million.

Before you panic and trash all of your lipsticks and/or start kissing only bare-lipped ladies, consider the fact that 0.1 parts per million is the "safe" federal limit for lead in candy. Even so, you may want to consider limiting your intake of L'Oreal Colour Riche True Red which clocked in at a whopping 0.65 ppm.

As we very well know, lead is a proven neurotoxin that can cause learning, language and behavioral disabilities. This may partially explain Miss Teen South Carolina's mental meltdown during the 2007 Miss Teen USA competition.

Trivia of Note:

• According to a news blurb in Playboy Magazine, the average woman will ingest about four pounds of lipstick in her lifetime - YUM!
• In ancient Egypt, ferrous oxide was used to color lipstick which smelled like rust - More YUM!
• The first recorded evidence of lipstick use dates back to the Sumerian city of Ur around 2000 B.C.
• The first modern lipstick with a metal "bullet" case was produced in Waterbury, Connecticut, in 1915 by the Scovil Manufacturing company.

When In China - You May Want to Stay Out of Your Car

Today the Xinhua News Agency in China confirmed once again that Chinese roads are the deadliest in the world. Chinese government statistics reported nearly 82,000 road deaths last year and, with 5.1 traffic deaths for every 10,000 motor vehicles, China has topped the list for the 11th consecutive year.

Private car ownership in China has soared along with the country's economic boom and inexperienced drivers, overloaded vehicles, reckless driving, and poor road conditions are common and frequently contribute to fatal crashes. Apparently, another contributing fator in the high number of fatalities is the ability of Chinese cars to sef-destruct during a crash as demonstrated by the crash test video of a new Chinese-built Cherry automobile.

Trivia of Note:

• The world average is two deaths per 10,000 vehicles.
• The most current U.S. government statistics report about 1.7 fatalities per 10,000 registered vehicles in 2006.
• In 1899 the first US automobile fatality occurred when Henry H. Bliss, age 68, was struck and killed by an electric-powered taxicab as he stepped from a streetcar at Central Park West and 74th Street in New York City.
• In 1952 the US recorded its one millionth traffic fatality and in 1995 recorded its three millionth traffic fatality.